Thursday, May 21, 2015
What Day Is It
The days are running together. What has it been now? Two, three weeks since my husband told me he wanted a divorce? I go through the days trying to act normal. And sometimes I almost forget. Like when I'm making dinner and the kids are there and Husband is doing his usual things that he does...sitting on the couch reading something on his iPad. Only I'm not on the couch; I'm in the kitchen sitting at the table and then it's time to put the kids to bed and I start crying while I'm reading to Handsome Man about a cute little rabbit family. And then I go into my bedroom once the kids are down and I sob and sob and it won't stop coming out of me. And what am I crying over exactly? The end of the marriage? Or the realization that I have spent the last 13 years of my life in an emotionally abusive relationship where I have become totally disconnected from my feelings, and now I don't even know who I am anymore. I love my children, that is all I know. But right now it is hard just getting out of bed to feed them breakfast, or to remember to make them brush their teeth. I have got to keep it together. But I can't go on in this Limbo much longer. He needs to move out--but then the thought of having to explain everything to the children crushes me even more and I feel like I can't breathe.