The other night my husband came out with the revelation that he thought it would be better if we got a divorce... This all comes on the cusp of a few things: 1. my mother had been ill, and my sister, unable to care for her alone, had been needing my help, so I drove out to California with my youngest for a few days to lend a hand, 2. HIS father was having some health problems, so we cancelled a much anticipated trip to see them so that my husband could go by himself, while his sister and brother were also visiting from their various homes throughout the country. I have always been very close to his family (mine is lacking for many reasons) so it was a blow to hear tonight that he had already discussed our divorce with his family (brother and sister included) at least a month before I had any idea. Right now I feel like I've had a big punch to the gut and I can't stop crying. There is so much more to this story, and of course as it unravels there will be more gore and guts to spill but for now I am totally spend, wondering if somehow I am crazy, and I just fucked up something I should have been more appreciative of all along, and if maybe, I am just a sour person who can never be happy, or, if I unwittingly married a Narccicist who has been unable to feel or empathize with me for years and all of my emotion has been seen as 'instability' to him--and he has made me believe it too.
I ramble, i've had a few and I've been sobbing. He seems very smug when he says, "it's ok to be angry, I've had time to process this, and you haven't" Yes, I just wonder WHO he's been processing it with...IYKWIM