40 and...Fabulous?

Well, as usual, I don't have time for a long post, and I'm sorry it's been so long...

Yes, on February 10th I turned FORTY! Dun dun duhhn...

It was hard leading up to it. I had a particularly melancholic evening a few days preceeding the big day where I got irrationally weepy, and spent a couple of hours holed up in my bedroom watching music videos of the tortured-80's-new-wave-goth variety and clips from John Hughes films. I'm not sure why I needed to do this but for some reason I felt better afterward.

The actual day itself was no big deal. It was a Friday so both kids were home, and though I had tried all week to find a babysitter so I could have a few hours of indulgent ME time, no one was available. Boo hiss. All fine. We have big plans with friends coming into town this coming weekend to really celebrate, and it's really great that I have that to look forward to.

I think about where I've been over these past several years and I think how lucky I am with the two children I've been blessed with, and so, there's not as much of a sting with turning 40 than I know there might have been if I were still in the Infertility trenches. So, I am grateful.

In other news, my son has been making continuing progress. His latest passion seems to be drawing (with chalk, crayons, pencils, pens whatever) and it is like some sort of switch has just been turned on his brain. Up until now he wouldn't draw anything if I asked him to. He'd get frustrated, make a few scribbles and say, "there! I'm done!" and shove it away. Now he can't get enough. I feel like new connections are growing in his brain and I am so so happy.

My daughter (22 months) is a total chatterbox, and a lovebug, and I wish I could write down everything she does every single day because each day she makes these huge leaps, and while I'm happy she's obviously A GENIUS I'm a little overwhelmed and weirdly saddened by how fast she's growing up.

Weird Week-Rambling Post

A new year...we got back from our travels to see family and friends, and we've been trying to get back in to a routine and back to normal. I'm ready to have a new start with this new year. Only, I'm having a rough time getting off the ground. The girl has been sick since we got home and I've been feeling a little house-bound. (Can't drop her off at the gym daycare if she has a runny nose and a fever!). All last week was just....weird. I can't really describe it but weird things just kept happening and I've been walking around with this sense of unease. We have a lot of paperwork and stuff we need to fill out regarding our house back in California (ugh) and it is just this big stress-inducing monkey on my back. I really feel like I need my husband's help (both practical and morale) to get through it. But by the time he gets home in the evening I'm usually too brain dead to tackle it. So it sits there...menacing.

I had a doctor's appointment for Handsome to review his meds and the doctor wrote me the wrong prescription (which I didn't notice until AFTER I filled it). I got attitude at the pharmacy...which I think sometimes happens when you are filling lots of prescriptions for a controlled substance...for a 4 year old. Most of the time I brush these things off because I know I am doing the right thing for my son and our family, and how could they possibly know our situation, and hey, I am not selling these things on the street...but like I said, last week was just one thing after another and I let it get to me. Then when I realized I had the WRONG prescription, I had to go back and talk to the pharmacist, and now I have to go back to the doctor and get a new prescription (it's not something they can just call in or fax in to the pharmacy, I have to physically bring in a written prescription). So, back to the doctor we will go....sometimes I just feel like my whole entire existence revolves around Handsome Man's condition: medications, doctor's appointments, dispensing meds, filling meds, managing meds, watching for side effects, deciding when he needs to increase, making sure we don't run out of meds, back and forth to the doctor-pharmacy-doctor. Meetings at school. Making sure he eats on schedule and the right things and not too many of the wrong things so that his blood sugar stays level. Sleep problems. Getting up in the middle of the night with him when he can't sleep.

And, as I say all of this I know I shouldn't complain. He is healthy and improving and we are lucky and blessed to have two healthy kids.

But some weeks it's just a lot. Grace (my little one) was clingy all week...I've been house-bound...and I was really ready for a break come the weekend, but Friday night my husband came home after work and announced he needed to work all day Saturday. So much for getting to that yoga class. And, well, by Sunday, something just unhinged. My husband left in the morning to go watch football at a friend's house. I was going to meet up with them later with the kids. Left home alone again with the kids....I lost my temper with Handsome... then I felt absolutely horrible. I started crying....and then, it was like, the seal was broken. That was it. I couldn't stop. I think I cried off and on for the rest of the day. I ended up dropping the kids off eventually at the party (there were lots of other families and kids there) and I came back home and drank 2 glasses of wine and watched bad t.v. and just sat alone in a quiet house.

I think that was exactly what I needed. And now, I also need to get back to the gym. Maybe today will be the day. Grace no longer has a runny nose but she is developing a cough. Maybe if it's not too bad by this afternoon we'll all be able to go after Handsome gets home from school. Maybe....maybe...if luck holds out.

Now I have to go call the doctor and let them know they wrote me the wrong prescription and make an appointment to go pick up a new one. *sigh*

Anyway, rambling. I know. The next post will be more intelligible. I hope.