Monday, January 9, 2012

Weird Week-Rambling Post

A new year...we got back from our travels to see family and friends, and we've been trying to get back in to a routine and back to normal. I'm ready to have a new start with this new year. Only, I'm having a rough time getting off the ground. The girl has been sick since we got home and I've been feeling a little house-bound. (Can't drop her off at the gym daycare if she has a runny nose and a fever!). All last week was just....weird. I can't really describe it but weird things just kept happening and I've been walking around with this sense of unease. We have a lot of paperwork and stuff we need to fill out regarding our house back in California (ugh) and it is just this big stress-inducing monkey on my back. I really feel like I need my husband's help (both practical and morale) to get through it. But by the time he gets home in the evening I'm usually too brain dead to tackle it. So it sits there...menacing.

I had a doctor's appointment for Handsome to review his meds and the doctor wrote me the wrong prescription (which I didn't notice until AFTER I filled it). I got attitude at the pharmacy...which I think sometimes happens when you are filling lots of prescriptions for a controlled substance...for a 4 year old. Most of the time I brush these things off because I know I am doing the right thing for my son and our family, and how could they possibly know our situation, and hey, I am not selling these things on the street...but like I said, last week was just one thing after another and I let it get to me. Then when I realized I had the WRONG prescription, I had to go back and talk to the pharmacist, and now I have to go back to the doctor and get a new prescription (it's not something they can just call in or fax in to the pharmacy, I have to physically bring in a written prescription). So, back to the doctor we will go....sometimes I just feel like my whole entire existence revolves around Handsome Man's condition: medications, doctor's appointments, dispensing meds, filling meds, managing meds, watching for side effects, deciding when he needs to increase, making sure we don't run out of meds, back and forth to the doctor-pharmacy-doctor. Meetings at school. Making sure he eats on schedule and the right things and not too many of the wrong things so that his blood sugar stays level. Sleep problems. Getting up in the middle of the night with him when he can't sleep.

And, as I say all of this I know I shouldn't complain. He is healthy and improving and we are lucky and blessed to have two healthy kids.

But some weeks it's just a lot. Grace (my little one) was clingy all week...I've been house-bound...and I was really ready for a break come the weekend, but Friday night my husband came home after work and announced he needed to work all day Saturday. So much for getting to that yoga class. And, well, by Sunday, something just unhinged. My husband left in the morning to go watch football at a friend's house. I was going to meet up with them later with the kids. Left home alone again with the kids....I lost my temper with Handsome... then I felt absolutely horrible. I started crying....and then, it was like, the seal was broken. That was it. I couldn't stop. I think I cried off and on for the rest of the day. I ended up dropping the kids off eventually at the party (there were lots of other families and kids there) and I came back home and drank 2 glasses of wine and watched bad t.v. and just sat alone in a quiet house.

I think that was exactly what I needed. And now, I also need to get back to the gym. Maybe today will be the day. Grace no longer has a runny nose but she is developing a cough. Maybe if it's not too bad by this afternoon we'll all be able to go after Handsome gets home from school. Maybe....maybe...if luck holds out.

Now I have to go call the doctor and let them know they wrote me the wrong prescription and make an appointment to go pick up a new one. *sigh*

Anyway, rambling. I know. The next post will be more intelligible. I hope.


  1. That's a pretty long crappy week. We had the plague for a week here too and it takes ALOT out of you. Glad you took some time for yourself. A glass (or two) of wine always helps!

    Hope you get the meds sorted out and this week is better than the last

  2. I came over from LFCA to check out your blog and read your earlier posts about your son. Let me tell you, you are not alone in your challenges, and I hope you don't doubt that you're doing the right thing for him AND for your family. I have two sons, the older one 7, and our struggles with him sound very much like yours. We finally figured out the ADHD diagnosis on our own a few months ago--it's really complicated with him, since he also has very high-functioning autism, craaazy smart but fairly inept socially, and prone to obsessive behavior. He started on Concerta in November and life is so much better for everyone, though I think we're still working out dosage. Your description of your son's behavior when your daughter was first born made me so sad ... because it reminded me of how awful life was here after my younger son was born, when the older one was almost 4. There is something so horrible about having had a second child in large part as a gift to the first one, only to wonder if you have made a terrible mistake. When my older son was around 4 and 5, I truly believed that five years down the road, either he or I (or both of us) wouldn't be there: he, because he'd put himself in jeopardy with impulsive or defiant behavior; me, because the stress was literally going to kill me. Glad to hear that you feel you're on a positive track, and thanks for sharing your experience.

    1. Heidi, thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. Though I hate to hear of others struggling, it is comforting to know I am not alone. Working out meds/dosage is sort of an art as well as a science, huh? Trust your gut is all I can say. We have been through several meds before landing on one that (at least for now) seems to really be working. xo