tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193406646033350262024-02-18T21:11:35.262-08:00Just Like Starting OverThe story of a somewhat ordinary family who picked up and moved to a new state. Entering a new state of our lives, too.Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-53117503133328513582015-06-12T12:12:00.000-07:002015-06-12T12:12:22.438-07:00It Doesn't Really Matter NowMy last post was a bit of a rant, I know.<br />
<br />
My husband denies any sort of affair. Actually, when I asked him about it he said, "Are *you* having an affair? Because usually it is the person who is cheating who accuses the other person."<br />
<br />
This is a typical reaction: To turn something around on me if I ever question him about anything or have an opinion or an emotion that is counter to his.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to where I am now:<br />
<br />
It doesn't really matter.<br />
<br />
If he is or is not seeing someone, or interested in someone...or interested in the idea of someone else, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter either way because our marriage is over and we are past the point of no return. While him having an affair might give me some relief in a strange way...in way of some sort of explanation to why our marriage is ending...it doesn't change what is happening.<br />
<br />
We will still have to sort out this mess of finances, where we both will live, custody of the children. And the worst of all is having to break our children's hearts by telling them their world-as-they-know-it is about to change forever.<br />
<br />
There are some days (like today) when it is all I can do to try and keep it together in front of the kids. It doesn't help that it is summer break and I'm with them 24/7. At least if they were in school I could crawl into my bed for a couple of hours and cry all the tears I want to cry.<br />
<br />
<br />Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-22690939442868685332015-06-04T23:27:00.002-07:002015-06-04T23:27:51.210-07:00When You Know, You Know. You Know?It's time to start trusting my instincts. And I know I am right. He's got a girlfriend at work. Of course it's at work, where else does he spend ALL of his time? They are on a work trip in San Francisco together right at this very moment. Of course, he was too busy yukking it up and posting pictures of himself (and her, along with other people in their group, but, mostly her) all drinking and having a great time to bother to even call to speak to his kids the past two nights in a row. F*cking bastard. No wonder he didn't take me to the last Z@ppo's Family Picnic: He was all "Oh I'll take the kids and you can have a rest." No. He never does that kind of stuff. He didn't want me there because SHE would be there, of course. The last Holiday Party? "Oh let's skip it this year." The one before that? We went in for 5 minutes and stood in the corner and he got all fidgety and wanted to leave. I couldn't understand it....I had gotten all dressed up and we were out and we had a babysitter and everything! Also he "lost" his wedding ring over 2 years ago... and every time I ask him about it he is like, "Oh, I have my eye on one that I really like but I'm saving up for it." When I pressed further (I wanted to try and buy it for him for Anniversary/birthday/Christmas) there was always an excuse: "It's on back order. It's discontinued. I haven't gotten my finger sized." Blah, blah, blah. I'm such an IDIOT! Good grief. They've been on SO many work trips, outings and events together. I just couldn't imagine him cheating. I've been so wrapped up in everything I do here. At home. With a kid with special needs. Yet, I am the one who has caused the marriage to fail. Because I'm always in a "bad mood". Maybe I'm in a bad mood because you're never here to help me! You are always out with your band of Merry Men and your Babe--who must all think I'm some kind of troll. What has he been telling them about me any way? Jeeezus! And then when you *are* home you're not really *here* because you're on your phone or your laptop or some other device, or you're like, "I'm just going to close my eyes and take a little nap. ZZZZZ" Why so tired all the time? He can deny it all he wants but it is so OBVIOUS to me now. I feel like such an idiot. And thank you so much for waiting until I am 43 fucking years old to ask me for a divorce. This affair (or whatever it is) has obviously been going on for a good 2 years now at least. You couldn't have let me go a little sooner? Just wait till I'm good and all the way in my MID fucking FORTIES. Thanks. While you can go on and fuck someone younger and make more babies or whatever the fuck you guys are planning on doing. No, leaving any sooner would have been too inconvenient. You would have had to be honest with yourself. You would shave had to give a shit about me and my feelings. My life. You wouldn't have been able to see your kids every day. You wouldn't have a built in laundress, pot washer and floor scrubber. F#CK YOU! And, now you want me to mooooove my ass along with you to Seattle for your new job (she's going to work for the same company, I assume like so many of your cohorts). So she'll be there, your kids will be there, and I'll be there to take care of said children and make sure you have access to them. Sounds like a great plan! What happens when someone doesn't go along with your plan? I'm sure it almost never happens. She's obviously been going along with whatever bullshit you've been feeding her this whole time. Well, she can have you. You guys can go be all Sleepless In Seattle together.Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-75829709099780742612015-05-21T08:36:00.000-07:002015-05-21T08:36:06.098-07:00What Day Is ItThe days are running together. What has it been now? Two, three weeks since my husband told me he wanted a divorce? I go through the days trying to act normal. And sometimes I almost forget. Like when I'm making dinner and the kids are there and Husband is doing his usual things that he does...sitting on the couch reading something on his iPad. Only I'm not on the couch; I'm in the kitchen sitting at the table and then it's time to put the kids to bed and I start crying while I'm reading to Handsome Man about a cute little rabbit family. And then I go into my bedroom once the kids are down and I sob and sob and it won't stop coming out of me. And what am I crying over exactly? The end of the marriage? Or the realization that I have spent the last 13 years of my life in an emotionally abusive relationship where I have become totally disconnected from my feelings, and now I don't even know who I am anymore. I love my children, that is all I know. But right now it is hard just getting out of bed to feed them breakfast, or to remember to make them brush their teeth. I have got to keep it together. But I can't go on in this Limbo much longer. He needs to move out--but then the thought of having to explain everything to the children crushes me even more and I feel like I can't breathe.Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-35530793398471903442015-05-13T04:47:00.000-07:002015-05-13T04:57:22.108-07:00NowIt has been over a week since my husband announced his unhappiness and his plan to divorce.<br />
<br />
We are in limbo since his job is in flux and he may be taking another job which would mean another move--to Seattle. The potential move I've known about for a while. And while the mere thought of moving has had me stressed and sad (taking kids away from friends, *I* finally had some friends of my own, too--taking Handsome out of the school he is doing so well in, moving to yet another uncharted place with no friends, no family, figuring out the whole school thing for Handsome all over again, and of course, moving away from the potential business contacts I've made and the floral business I'd stated growing, finally, 4 years after our relocation <i>here</i>) I have been a cheerleader and confidant for my husband as he has vacillated back and forth over the past few months with his job situation and all the stress (not his fault) that is happening in his company. I absolutely do not want to move but I've made it clear that if it is for the good of the Family, I will do so. I have stuffed down my own feelings about this potential move to give him space and support. I assumed his increased moodiness and distance over the last few months had to do solely with the job situation. Little did I know he was planning our divorce.<br />
<br />
My question though: Had I not dragged it out of him the other night, a "conversation he was not ready to have yet" when <i>was</i> he planning on telling me? Was he going to wait until we schlepped all our belongings out to Seattle, just like we schlepped everything out to Las Vegas four years ago, only this time, he'd tell me, oh, by the way, you'll be living in your own place.<br />
<br />
I do not know how long he has been planning this I only know he has been increasingly distant for a while. I asked him if he is seeing anyone and he protested of course he is not, but it leaves me wondering. I know A LOT of people from his current company are making the move to Seattle; could there be someone else he's anxious to be with on the other side?<br />
<br />
He does make an awful lot of business trips to Seattle.<br />
<br />
I go between feeling quite numb and then feeling consumed by sadness, and a feeling of free-fall. My heart and my stomach seem to switch places and I can barely breathe, let alone eat. I find myself choking back tears at the most inopportune and random times: talking to my son's swim coach after class about my son's back-stroke. Driving my son to school. Standing in line at the grocery store.<br />
<br />
Aside from the fact that we are now sleeping in separate bedrooms he comes home from work every day acting as if everything is hunky-dory! How nice for him, to be so comfortable and have access to his children, his belongings, my cooking, my cleaning, etc., etc., just like always! No worries for him. He obviously has let go--long ago, and now he's looking forward to the next chapter of <i>his</i> life.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, I wonder what the next chapter of my life can possibly hold--and--does he plan to write it for me like he has in the past? He assumes I will go along with his version of how this divorce will go--where we'll live (separately, but both near his work so he doesn't have to drive far to pick up kids on his days with them), how we'll divide custody (50/50), how we'll spend our Holidays (at his parent's house of course, theirs no reason for it to be awkward unless we make it awkward!), what kind of job I might pursue (now that you'll have more free time!).<br />
<br />
His arrogance is maddening. And yet I should be used to it by now. But what I am really just starting to grasp now is the level at which I have subjugated myself to his wishes, desires, demands, and perception of how 'our' life should be: constantly putting my own dreams, career, friends, talents, interests, so far back on the back burner that they've gotten cold and rotten in the pot.<br />
<br />
I've poured it all into making sure Handsome Man got what he needed. I've been a full time parent, advocate, student of special education law.... you name it. I've been a cook, a laundress, a frugal coupon-clipping shopper... dedicated to making our life work.<br />
<br />
Of course I'm not without fault. I get moody and cranky. Especially after a full day with the kids. Especially on the days when Handsome Man is being particularly offensive to me. Some days he is steeped in his Oppositional Defiant Disorder and goes out of his way to make me upset. He tells me he "fucking hates me" and I'm "the worst mom in the world" and that I "obviously don't love him." This could be all just because I wouldn't let him get a snack from the vending machine after swim class because I don't want him eating any junk food before dinner. You know. Days like that. Yeah, by the time my husband gets home from work (and goes up stairs to 'relax' for 30-45 minutes--more if he decided to take a nap) and I'm battling with homework, discipline, dinner, whining, complaining, etc... you know, the funnest part of the day, right!... when I could use my partner's help, but he is blissfully checking Facebook, or whatever he does up in our room--yeah, I get a little crabby. I snap and yell too much at the kids. When he does come down stairs and grace us with his presence, the kids are dying for his attention and he barely acknowledges them as he gets on his computer or his iPad. Then it's bedtime, and that's the next big challenge. This is usually the toughest part of the day for Handsome Man, Meds have worn off, he's starting to feel tired, but nighttime meds haven't quite kicked in so he's wired, and volatile. After I get both kids down I feel like I've run a marathon. So, I guess there's not much of the good stuff left for my husband at the end of the day... I resent his hand-off parenting style...but I don't dare voice my concerns (I've made that mistake before!)<br />
<br />
It's 4:45 a.m. and of course I'm awake. Insomnia much? I will try to get a snooze in before my alarm goes off in about an hour.<br />
<br />
Today he leaves for Seattle for 3 days. He'll have his interviews. I'm just relieved I'll have the house to myself for that time. Maybe tonight I will be able to sleep soundly.<br />
<br />Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-41728752547113485872015-05-08T23:58:00.000-07:002015-05-10T22:17:36.113-07:00D-I-V-O-R-C-EThe other night my husband came out with the revelation that he thought it would be better if we got a divorce... This all comes on the cusp of a few things: 1. my mother had been ill, and my sister, unable to care for her alone, had been needing my help, so I drove out to California with my youngest for a few days to lend a hand, 2. HIS father was having some health problems, so we cancelled a much anticipated trip to see them so that my husband could go by himself, while his sister and brother were also visiting from their various homes throughout the country. I have always been very close to his family (mine is lacking for many reasons) so it was a blow to hear tonight that he had already discussed our divorce with his family (brother and sister included) at least a month before I had any idea. Right now I feel like I've had a big punch to the gut and I can't stop crying. There is so much more to this story, and of course as it unravels there will be more gore and guts to spill but for now I am totally spend, wondering if somehow I am crazy, and I just fucked up something I should have been more appreciative of all along, and if maybe, I am just a sour person who can never be happy, or, if I unwittingly married a Narccicist who has been unable to feel or empathize with me for years and all of my emotion has been seen as 'instability' to him--and he has made me believe it too.<br />
<br />
I ramble, i've had a few and I've been sobbing. He seems very smug when he says, "it's ok to be angry, I've had time to process this, and you haven't" Yes, I just wonder WHO he's been processing it with...IYKWIMFrenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-78735832599944952022015-03-10T21:34:00.001-07:002015-03-11T08:16:23.294-07:00When Is Enough, Enough Already?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://theretrohousewifelife.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/o-mother-scolding-children-in-black-and-white-facebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://theretrohousewifelife.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/o-mother-scolding-children-in-black-and-white-facebook.jpg" height="200" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm sorry your parents never told you this....you're a brat!"<br />
<br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So, my son has a lot of problems making and keeping friends. He really is a sweet boy, but he has a lot of barriers down the path of social interaction. First of all, his ADHD makes him extremely hyper <i>and</i> inattentive. He's like a whirling Tasmanian Devil of energy. It's great for races around the neighborhood on bikes, but when the other kids want to do something more structured, like, say, play a game of catch at the end of the cul de sac or throw the football, my kid's ability to participate falls apart. His other neurological challenges, including PDD-NOS (which is on the Autisim Spectrum) make him just, well, awkward. He perseverates on topics that no one else finds interesting (trains, tornadoes, recycling trucks, something funny someone said last week that he is still cracking up about). He has a very hard time remembering things (like people's names) and he usually forgets to ask in the first place. His social awkwardness may come off as "odd" or "rude" or "self-centered". He also has dyspraxia which makes him sort of clumsy, (another reason he shies away from that game of catch) and it also impacts his speech. He is very tall for his age and looks more like a 10-year-old than the almost-8-year-old that he is, but he sounds and acts a bit like a 5-year-old. His frustration tolerance is low and so, just like a 5-year-old (or even younger kid) he has been known to melt down when he doesn't get his way.<br />
<br />
We have a lot of kids of various ages in the neighborhood. Mostly the kids are pretty nice to Handsome Man and the older boys in the neighborhood typically indulge him at least for a little while riding bikes. I've never said anything to any of them, but I'm guessing they've got some sense that Handsome Man has some "issues" and I think they are basically wonderful in that they let him play and even sometimes come knock on the door to ask him to ride bikes. But after a little while I notice they all sort of disappear and Handsome Man is left wondering why no one wants to ride bikes anymore and where everyone went? There are also several kids that are about Handsome Man's age or a little younger and they tend to follow him around like The Pied Piper. I am always a bit nervous when this happens because while Handsome Man would never think of getting into a physical altercation if he got mad at one of the older kids, he has had some history of getting physical with other kids.<br />
<br />
Now Handsome Man's short fuse has gotten him (and therefore the family) into hot water on many different occasions. Things got so bad 2 years ago when he was in Kindergarten that the school "firmly suggested" he be moved to another school which had a "special program" for kids with "behavioral issues". Not to make a long story too long here, but the change of venues was an absolute disaster; he was put in a classroom full of kids (mostly older) who had some severe emotional/behavioral problems, who targeted Handsome Man, and, basically, demonstrated how to behave even worse than he had been behaving in Kinder. (And don't even get me started on the LANGUAGE he came home with--**cringe**). Let's just say, my son is very impressionable, and he will mimic what he sees or hears. (Yes, I know that is true for all kids on some level but especially ASD kids). After many months of struggling with the school, and then the district, to change his placement (they refused to move him to the Autism Classroom or the Learning Disabled Classroom instead) the Husband and I eventually decided our only option was to put him into a private school. So midway through the school year last year, I actually pulled him out of school and homeschooled him (sort of) for the rest of the year (mostly we worked on his behavior and, basically, undoing everything he had learned from the other students in that ill-fated classroom) until, at last, we were able to get him into the one and only school in our area that specializes in teaching kids like Handsome Man.<br />
<br />
Flash forward to this school year, and, on the whole, things are going pretty well. We are blessed to have found this school and they are amazing. Also, during the day he is surrounded by a bunch of other kids who also have issues like Learning Disabilities, Asperger's, ADHD and those who just don't "fit" into a traditional school setting. So, for the most part, his odd behaviors are....normal... when he's at school.<br />
<br />
But then he comes home.<br />
<br />
Now, to the point of my post. There is one girl in particular who lives across the street from us. Let's call her Veruca. She is just a little younger than Handsome Man. She also has a brother who is the same age as Handsome Man. They used to play over here quite a bit and both Handsome Man and Grace played over there. We had a nice, friendly, neighborly relationship with the kids' parents and we were thrilled that Handsome Man actually had friends. Now there were several times when I had to break up arguments between the kids over who had what toy first, who's turn it was, etc., etc.. But, basically things were going well. I found these two kids to be a bit annoying (lack of manners, very demanding, bossy, inconsiderate) but who was I to complain, I mean, my kid was the one with "issues" right? I felt I should keep my opinions to myself.<br />
<br />
Then, things took a turn.<br />
<br />
Flash back to fall, a year ago, when Handsome Man was in the "behavioral" class, and our behavioral struggles at home were at their zenith. After school one day, one of the kids across the street was having a birthday party and my kids were invited. As usual at any group event where my kids are involved, I hovered on pins and needles, hyper vigilant to watch for any early sign of distress in my kid so that I could divert or intervene before anything embarrassing happened. But, the kids were all playing along nicely, or so I thought. I started to relax. And then, the next thing I knew, Handsome Man was throwing punches. At <i>Veruca</i>. Oh. My. God. Of course we made a quick exit and I went back to apologize profusely. The grown ups acted understanding (they'd been made aware of his situation). I felt <i>horrible</i>. Handsome Man was angry at Veruca for some perceived injustice, and he didn't want to apologize (though I did make him). But, Veruca didn't stop coming around to play with my daughter. Handsome Man grew jealous of their friendship and Veruca took every opportunity to throw it in his face...goading my daughter to come play with her, but to leave her brother behind. My son's emotional pain was palpable. But what was I to do? Yes, Veruca was being mean, but I also wanted Handsome to learn the hard way that you can't punch people and then expect them to be nice to you. Also, Grace seemed to like playing with Veruca and I didn't want to keep her from a friendship because of something her brother had done. It didn't seem fair.<br />
<br />
Then, one day, a few months ago....<br />
<br />
Handsome Man and Grace were playing in front of our house. The family across the street pulled up in their driveway. The parents went in the house, and Veruca remained outside... asking Grace to come over to her side of the street to play (common). Now, I wasn't there that day (I was working) but apparently here's what happened next: Grace went across the street to greet Veruca. I'm not sure if Handsome Man said anything, but my guess is he was feeling hurt about being left out yet again. Then, for some reason I still don't fully understand, Veruca shouted at Handsome Man, waving her arms tauntingly, "Hey, STUPID! Why don't you come over here and HIT ME?"<br />
<br />
Well, what do you think Handsome Man did?<br />
<br />
{Covering eyes, shaking head}<br />
<br />
Veruca cried and wailed and when my husband ran out of the house to see what was going on, Veruca's father was shaking my son in the middle of the street and screaming "What the hell is wrong with you????"<br />
<br />
Well obviously, Veruca's parents do not allow her to come over and play anymore. She's not allowed to play with Handsome Man. And I wouldn't want Handsome Man to play with her anymore any way. (And I never see her older brother anymore at all, my guess is he is inside playing video games 24/7).<br />
<br />
But this does not keep Veruca from coming over to play with Grace. I don't let Grace go over to her house, but, there are a few other slightly younger girls in the neighborhood that like to play together and Veruca likes to be the ring leader. So they all play outside together, and Handsome Man rides his bike. He keeps asking me when Veruca will be his friend again, and, he keeps bringing her little treats when she is out playing: cookies, yogurt pops, crackers, juice boxes, you name it. Daily, Handsome Man gives me an update: I think Veruca isn't mad at me anymore. I think Veruca might start liking me again soon. I think Vercua does not hate me.... Not only does she gladly accept the many gifts, but she has started coming to my door demanding them. However, she announces that she is not allowed to come in our house, so can I/Grace bring her XYZ? No please, no thank you, and then, to add insult to injury, she usually leaves her empty juice box, yogurt wrapper, or whatever trash on the from porch or in my driveway. She uses my daughter's bike or scooter and leaves it in the street. And she continues to treat my son like crap. And my son keeps trying to win her friendship back. And she continues to exclude him and say rude things to him. Today, she called him stupid again. Stupid. My beautiful boy who struggles daily with school due to not only his ADHD but also a hefty case of Dyslexia. <b>My beautiful boy, who, despite my telling him to the contrary, really believes he <i>is</i> stupid, </b>and has told me so on numerous occasions. Handsome Man, who looks more and more like a <i>man</i> and less like a kid each day, comes to me in tears after being called stupid.<br />
<br />
I told him, if that's how she treats him, then, well, does he really need her friendship?<br />
<br />
He went on riding his bike.<br />
<br />
Then Veruca came around at snack time. Grace came in and got yogurt pops for Veruca and the two other little girls from the block. Handsome Man ran out to offer her some mango we had just brought home from the store and some water. The girls played with my kids' toys in the front driveway and ate their snacks. I popped my head out and asked if she could please pick up her trash when she was done, please, and thank you.<br />
<br />
Two minutes later, I overheard her say, to my daughter, "This is your house so you have to pick up <i>my</i> trash." As I stepped out the front door, I saw her throw her yogurt pop wrapper on the sidewalk.<br />
<br />
Something clicked inside......ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
I stepped out and told Veruca, "You need to stop bossing my children around like that. Also, I know what you have been saying to Handsome Man and you know that it is not only wrong, but it is just plain mean-spirited and rude!! Now please pick up your trash, it's time for my kids to come in for dinner."<br />
<br />
She walked away looking very sad, and saying nothing, I'm sure she was on the verge of tears, but.... I DONT CARE!! I CANT STAND THAT KID!<br />
<br />
I know my son was in the wrong to put his hands on her...twice. But we have all been walking around on eggshells around her ever since and I feel like I've been the emotional hostage of a petulant little child for the past few months.<br />
<br />
"Stupid" is a bad word in my house, right up there with the other "S" word and the "F" word. Handsome Man has made stunning progress and is very good with his language, so these are words I don't usually hear unless I'm watching an uncensored episode of <i>Kitchen Nightmares</i>...Furthermore, despite the problems we may have had... one thing Handsome Man has never gotten in trouble for is for calling another child names. Where does Veruca get the idea to call him stupid? Though he may be smart as a whip, the truth is he <i>is</i> a Special Needs Child and this is something of which I'm sure she is aware of (as much as one can be at her age). Where did she hear this from? Her parents, I'm sure. Now, I know if I were in their shoes I would not be happy if someone had laid a hand on my child. I do not blame them for telling her she is not allowed to play over here. But, I never addressed the fact that the Father grabbed my child and screamed at him. I feel like I'm in a case of the Hatfields and the McCoys over here, but my feud isn't even with the other adults, it's with their child.<br />
<br />
Am I totally insane, or was I right to speak up? I feel like I need to set an example, at least for Grace who is the youngest of the neighborhood kids, that she should't let others boss her around, and I certainly don't want her acting that way at someone else's house. As for Veruca's taunting Handsome Man, should I go speak to the girls' parents or just let it lie? As a parent of a child with special needs, am I being oversensitive? When do I step in, and when do I leave my kid to work things out and take the lumps he's given. They will always be able to pull the card, "Well, <i>your</i> kid hit <i>my</i> kid..." so, I don't really feel like I have a leg to stand on, but I still want to say it, out loud, at least here on my blog.....<br />
<br />
THAT KID IS A BRAT!!!!<br />
<br />
What do you think?Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-40633615737624160252015-03-09T21:09:00.001-07:002015-03-09T21:09:32.895-07:00Did I Just Say That?<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<b><u>10 Things I hear myself say the most often on any given day</u></b></div>
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1. Eat OVER your PLATE!</div>
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2. Did you wipe your hands?</div>
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3. Close the door!!</div>
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4. Did you wipe your butt?</div>
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5. Did you wash your hands? (Usually accompanied by, 'Did you flush the toilet?')</div>
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6. Don't lie to me...</div>
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7. I'll be there IN. A. MINUTE!</div>
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8. Can I please have some privacy!?!?!?!?!? (Usually said while trying to get in the shower/get dressed/go to the bathroom).</div>
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9. Gross. (Can also be substituted with, 'What *IS* that?')</div>
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10. INDOOR VOICE!!! (Ironically, I am usually not using my Indoor Voice when I make this command).</div>
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I'm sure there are more... but these are the ones I know I've said like eleven hundred times recently. What are your most repeated phrases? Leave them for me in the comments!</div>
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Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-2039695203791444942015-02-26T09:49:00.000-08:002015-02-26T09:49:13.105-08:00Just Like Starting Over....AgainHello, my name is Frenchie and it has been 3 years since my last post.<br />
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Yeah. My last post was about turning 40. Hah. Well, I just had a birthday this month and I turned 43!<br />
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I think I needed a little hiatus from the blogosphere. I wasn't sure about what I wanted to say any more, if I really had any sort of 'message' to share. And, while I took a little time off to focus on my life in 'real time', LIFE took over and I guess blogging fell to the very bottom of my to-do list.<br />
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On my original blog, Miss Inconceivability, I wrote about the ups and downs of being Infertile, about the adoption process, about being an adoptive parent, and, eventually about my surprise pregnancy and the birth of my second child.<br />
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After that phase of my life passed and I became "just another mom" I wasn't really sure what I had to say anymore. I mean, I was too busy changing diapers, potty training, scraping dried oatmeal off dishes, folding laundry and the other mundane mothering day to day duties that I had longed to be burdened with for years.... I had gotten my wish, so, what more was there?<br />
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Also, after years of working for myself, I was now a stay-at-home mom. What's so exciting about that?<br />
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In the interim, Facebook sort of filled in where blogging left off. I could update little tidbits about my life and the crazy antics of my kids with immediate response from friends and followers, and it was a lot less time consuming than maintaining a blog.<br />
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But now, I feel like it's time to get back to it. Maybe now I do have more to say. But the topics are different. I'm a mom. I have a son with special needs. Actually, that last fact is the thing that takes up most of my brain space. Each day is totally unpredictable. A roll of the dice whether we'll have a fairly uneventful (and therefore good) day, or will the phone ring with a call telling me my son has been suspending (again) from school for having yet another meltdown which involved destroying school property, or lashing out physically against a teacher or classmate.<br />
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My life is full...but no longer with thoughts of "how will I start or grow my family and keep my heart from breaking" to "how can I raise this family and do the best I can without my head exploding?"<br />
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My kids are healthy, intelligent, loving and wonderful little people and I'm extremely blessed. My husband may have his flaws (and of course I am perfect so it's hard) but I must say I think I landed one of the Good Ones. And after 11 years of marriage we are either to stubborn or too lazy to do anything but stick it out, despite some rocky spots we've hit on our journey. See? My life is boring! But, I'm okay with boring. Boring is good.<br />
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The question now is, if my life is so boring, what do I have to blog about?<br />
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So, I guess if you want to hear about raising a kid who has ADHD, ODD, LD, Dyspraxia and who is also Gifted, then this blog is for you. If you want to hear quips about the Cute Things My Kids Say/Do then you've come to the right place. If you want to hear the occasional yarn about my childhood or various tales of Back-in-the-Day, then tune in. If you can relate to a woman who is trying to avoid Mid Life Crisis and Explore Mid Life Meaning, then read along. If it all sounds too boring, well, you're probably right!Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-72341253171063815752012-02-13T17:57:00.000-08:002012-02-13T18:16:20.422-08:0040 and...Fabulous?Well, as usual, I don't have time for a long post, and I'm sorry it's been so long...<br /><br />Yes, on February 10th I turned FORTY! Dun dun duhhn...<br /><br />It was hard leading up to it. I had a particularly melancholic evening a few days preceeding the big day where I got irrationally weepy, and spent a couple of hours holed up in my bedroom watching music videos of the tortured-80's-new-wave-goth variety and clips from John Hughes films. I'm not sure why I needed to do this but for some reason I felt better afterward.<br /><br />The actual day itself was no big deal. It was a Friday so both kids were home, and though I had tried all week to find a babysitter so I could have a few hours of indulgent ME time, no one was available. Boo hiss. All fine. We have big plans with friends coming into town this coming weekend to <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> celebrate, and it's really great that I have that to look forward to.<br /><br />I think about where I've been over these past several years and I think how lucky I am with the two children I've been blessed with, and so, there's not as much of a sting with turning 40 than I know there might have been if I were still in the Infertility trenches. So, I am grateful.<br /><br />In other news, my son has been making continuing progress. His latest passion seems to be drawing (with chalk, crayons, pencils, pens whatever) and it is like some sort of switch has just been turned on his brain. Up until now he wouldn't draw anything if I asked him to. He'd get frustrated, make a few scribbles and say, "there! I'm done!" and shove it away. Now he can't get enough. I feel like new connections are growing in his brain and I am so so happy.<br /><br />My daughter (22 months) is a total chatterbox, and a lovebug, and I wish I could write down everything she does every single day because each day she makes these huge leaps, and while I'm happy she's obviously A GENIUS I'm a little overwhelmed and weirdly saddened by how fast she's growing up.Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-41227931112561956382012-01-09T08:50:00.000-08:002012-01-09T09:15:37.550-08:00Weird Week-Rambling PostA new year...we got back from our travels to see family and friends, and we've been trying to get back in to a routine and back to normal. I'm ready to have a new start with this new year. Only, I'm having a rough time getting off the ground. The girl has been sick since we got home and I've been feeling a little house-bound. (Can't drop her off at the gym daycare if she has a runny nose and a fever!). All last week was just....weird. I can't really describe it but weird things just kept happening and I've been walking around with this sense of unease. We have a lot of paperwork and stuff we need to fill out regarding our house back in California (ugh) and it is just this big stress-inducing monkey on my back. I really feel like I need my husband's help (both practical and morale) to get through it. But by the time he gets home in the evening I'm usually too brain dead to tackle it. So it sits there...menacing.<div><br /></div><div>I had a doctor's appointment for Handsome to review his meds and the doctor wrote me the wrong prescription (which I didn't notice until AFTER I filled it). I got attitude at the pharmacy...which I think sometimes happens when you are filling lots of prescriptions for a controlled substance...for a 4 year old. Most of the time I brush these things off because I know I am doing the right thing for my son and our family, and how could they possibly know our situation, and hey, I am not selling these things on the street...but like I said, last week was just one thing after another and I let it get to me. Then when I realized I had the WRONG prescription, I had to go back and talk to the pharmacist, and now I have to go back to the doctor and get a new prescription (it's not something they can just call in or fax in to the pharmacy, I have to physically bring in a written prescription). So, back to the doctor we will go....sometimes I just feel like my whole entire existence revolves around Handsome Man's condition: medications, doctor's appointments, dispensing meds, filling meds, managing meds, watching for side effects, deciding when he needs to increase, making sure we don't run out of meds, back and forth to the doctor-pharmacy-doctor. Meetings at school. Making sure he eats on schedule and the right things and not too many of the wrong things so that his blood sugar stays level. Sleep problems. Getting up in the middle of the night with him when he can't sleep. <div><br /></div><div>And, as I say all of this I know I shouldn't complain. He is healthy and improving and we are lucky and blessed to have two healthy kids. </div><div><br /></div><div>But some weeks it's just a lot. Grace (my little one) was clingy all week...I've been house-bound...and I was really ready for a break come the weekend, but Friday night my husband came home after work and announced he needed to work all day Saturday. So much for getting to that yoga class. And, well, by Sunday, something just unhinged. My husband left in the morning to go watch football at a friend's house. I was going to meet up with them later with the kids. Left home alone again with the kids....I lost my temper with Handsome... then I felt absolutely horrible. I started crying....and then, it was like, the seal was broken. That was it. I couldn't stop. I think I cried off and on for the rest of the day. I ended up dropping the kids off eventually at the party (there were lots of other families and kids there) and I came back home and drank 2 glasses of wine and watched bad t.v. and just sat alone in a quiet house. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think that was exactly what I needed. And now, I also need to get back to the gym. Maybe today will be the day. Grace no longer has a runny nose but she is developing a cough. Maybe if it's not too bad by this afternoon we'll all be able to go after Handsome gets home from school. Maybe....maybe...if luck holds out.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now I have to go call the doctor and let them know they wrote me the wrong prescription and make an appointment to go pick up a new one. *sigh*</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, rambling. I know. The next post will be more intelligible. I hope.</div></div>Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-37403085722949029202011-12-19T17:19:00.000-08:002011-12-19T17:41:25.163-08:00Meltdown MondaySo the boy got into some serious mischief today. The girl was taking her nap, and the boy went upstairs to "play". I was cleaning downstairs. After a while, I decided it was too quiet....and...any parents out there know where this is going? Yes. He'd gotten into my bathroom, gotten a bottle of shampoo, one of my cosmetic brushes and my husband's shaving cream brush, and decided to "wash" his model plane and some of his other trains. The model airplane was a gift from his uncle Matt (that he had made) and the black paint was coming off (thanks to all the frothy shampoo). Yeah. So, you can imagine the scene I walked into. Not to mention the shampoo wasn't the cheap variety. Well, I'm proud to say, I kept my cool. I wasn't happy, but I didn't lose it. I made him take a shower (he was covered in shampoo) then "help" me clean up the mess. So I took a detour on my afternoon plans, but, oh well. I guess that bathroom needed some cleaning anyway. <div><br /></div><div>Move forward an hour or so. The girl is awake now, and I'm back to my original cleaning I was trying to do downstairs. The boy has decided he wants to play trains downstairs, but doesn't want the girl to touch any of his toys. He has also started freaking out (and I mean really flipping his lid--crying, whinging, hitting himself) because he doesn't like the "trains with faces" (his Th.omas trains). Now this might sound really freaky (and it <i>is</i>, it's disturbing when he gets like this) but again, I kept my cool. I remembered that he had really, really, really wanted some generic wooden trains we had seen at Tar.get the other day. He's also really into watching The P.olar Ex.press right now, and, as you KNOW (if you are a mom of a boy who is obsessed with trains) that the Polar Express train does NOT have a face. After one time out to calm down after pushing his sister (to get her away from his assorted tracks, etc.) and some more crying, I was able to get him onto my lap....where I was able to get him to talk through his thoughts. (Do you like the trains with no faces because they are more like Polar Express?) He kept asking if we could go get some RIGHT NOW, to which I kept saying, "we are not buying any new toys right now, but we can ask Santa" (cue more crying). Eventually, after calmly taking all the trains "with faces" and putting them in a paper bag, where he couldn't see them, and talking through the scenario of Christmas, and gifts, and potential for new trains, and WHY he liked the trains "with no faces" right now (Pol.ar Ex.press) and that we could go find all his no-face trains and make a train together, etc.,etc., he eventually calmed down. And, a little diversion later (making some cookies together, er, sort of) well, he was calm and back to playing nicely and being sweet to his sister. </div><div><br /></div><div>We have not had a major freak-out like this in a while--they used to be an almost daily occurrence, and I admit, it shook me a little. However, I kept my cool (yay me!) which I can also tell you is not always the case, I'm just going to admit it. Sometimes he just goes on and on and on--he gets so STUCK on some weird thing that I just don't <i>get</i>--and he won't let it go, and he gets so furious, and....pretty soon there is steam coming out of the top of my head, and...well, it doesn't make anything better when I have my own tantrum. But today, I kept my cool, and everyone seems happy. Now, it is officially after five and I opening some wine. Yeeesssssss. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and Santa? I need some new cosmetic brushes for Christmas. Thanks.</div>Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-56154200158612902692011-12-15T13:55:00.000-08:002011-12-15T14:02:41.093-08:00Babysitter BluesMy KINGDOM for a freaking babysitter!<div><br /></div><div>Why is it so hard to find a good babysitter? I have been through the whole Ca.re. dot com thing several times. It is kind of a run around. We went through a couple of 'hopefuls' and then I finally found a wonderful young lady who was so great with the kids. She had super availability because she was doing on-line college classes, so she had a very flexible schedule, which worked out for me perfectly because I don't have set days or times when I need someone but, like, here or there, sporadically, like when I take a small floral gig or need to schedule a doctor's appointment. So, she was (almost) always available which was awesome! And my kids absolutely adored her. </div><div><br /></div><div>So what happened? After she'd sat for us a few times, she asked if I could post a positive review for her on Ca.re dot com, because she was trying to get more babysitting gigs. Which I happily did. And after I wrote my fabulous review, she was immediately hired pretty much full time by some moderately famous/rich family and now she's always working for them, even traveling with them on their fancy-ass vacations or whatever and never available for <i>meeeeee</i>! </div><div><br /></div><div>Ugh. Why do I have to be so nice? </div>Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-83671594502262293322011-12-14T14:23:00.001-08:002011-12-14T14:54:11.457-08:00The Boy, Part 3....Post diagnosis....<div><br /></div><div>We've been down a long road since that diagnosis. It was October 2010. I won't go into too much boring detail in this post, but I'll just bring you up to speed.</div><div><br /></div><div>I started researching ADHD. The psychologist urged medication, but my husband and I were reluctant. She insisted that without gaining some control over his hyperactivity, she would not be able to work with him on a behavioral/psychological level. </div><div><br /></div><div>We tried other stuff first. Diet changes. Acupressure. Chinese medicine. Fish oil, among other supplements. And lots of love.</div><div><br /></div><div>Still, nothing made much of a difference.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the end, we determined that we were out of ideas, and would have to give medication a try.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the meantime, he was spiraling out of control at preschool, and they were starting to tell me they wouldn't be able to have him continue there unless things changed--soon. They knew about his new diagnosis, and were sympathetic. They supported me as much as possible.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was also trying to get him an evaluation with the Board of Education Early Childhood Dept. to see if he was able to get special services. (Also called an IEP or, Individual Education Plan).</div><div><br /></div><div>It took months to get our assessment appointment. But finally we got one. </div><div><br /></div><div>And then were denied services.</div><div><br /></div><div>WHAT?! </div><div><br /></div><div>The next step was that I went into Mother Bear mode. I contacted a parent advocacy group and gained as much information as I could. I scoured the internet and read through the entire IDEA act. I went over the heads of the local BOE department I had been working with and went to the county. I sent a letter to everyone on the board, and the head of the education dept in Sacramento. I included a portion of the IDEA act wording in my letter (just to let them know I knew my rights--most importantly, that they were legally bound to do a reevaluation at my request, and to respond within a certain amount of time). I collected documentation from his psychologist, his preschool and his pediatrician. Finally, my phone started ringing and apologetic people within the System told me our case would be reviewed. Our reevaluation included a comprehensive psychological workup as well as a speech assessment, in addition to the cognitive testing. </div><div><br /></div><div>Our new assessment was that Handsome would require special services in order to attend preschool, and that he would receive an IEP. I felt a huge relief and sense of accomplishment. Finally, things were turning around and we would get some help. The only bad thing was that by this time it was the end of the school year and I had had to pull him out of preschool in February. We would have to wait for the new school year to start in the fall before we would start receiving services. He had essentially missed out on an entire year of preschool.</div><div><br /></div><div>Flash forward to the summer, when my husband started interviewing for a new job--and was hired by a big company out of state. In July we realized we would be moving, and I'd have to start all over again with the finding him services and getting him into school.</div><div><br /></div><div>Luckily, to my utter astonishment and happy surprise, Nevada had their act together much more than our home town, and after a bit of leg work, his California IEP was reviewed and accepted and he was given a place in our local Head Start Program.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the meantime, we have also tried several different meds, and he is currently on one that, while it doesn't "cure" all of his symptoms by any means, it does help, with minimal side-effects.</div><div><br /></div><div>With the help of the amazing team at his school (teacher, special ed teacher, speech therapist, psychologist and, most recently, occupational therapist) Handsome has made AMAZING progress just since starting school in late August. </div><div><br /></div><div>To say I am a fan of the Head Start Program, and of the Clark County School District is an understatement. I am WOWED by the support he is receiving. A far cry from our previous experiences in California.</div><div><br /></div><div>Our most recent progress was that he was diagnosed as being 'tongue-tied'. This was brought to my attention by his school speech therapist and school nurse. After his pediatrician confirmed it, we had the procedure (frenulectomy) to correct it (just last week) and he is doing great. I am anxious to see what his progress will be like with his speech therapist. </div><div><br /></div><div>We have come a long, long way. And, I am a believer in a Bigger Plan that had led us here- from me shutting down my business (originally reluctantly but it gave me the ability to be at home with these kids and gave me the freedom and clarity to do all this leg work) and THEN that lead us to our big move to Nevada--where the System has been very good to us. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now the baby is waking up from her nap and I have to go... more later!</div>Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-67225229311213265362011-12-12T18:49:00.000-08:002011-12-12T20:39:19.444-08:00The Boy, Part 2 -- I'm Just Going to be Honest, HereI am going to say some things here that I have never said in a public forum before. <div><br /></div><div>But before I say any of it, please know that I love my son. I love my children more than anything... The day my son was born was, up until that moment, the very happiest day of my life. I have loved him every day since and my love is fierce. He is a treasure and being chosen to be his Mommy and Daddy was a incredible gift. What I am about to reveal is not to complain or look for pity in any way, shape or form. I am just telling a story. This is what happened to us, to him, to our family, and I wish I had had the knowledge then that I have now to help my little boy sooner. So if anyone can benefit from this, then I hope this helps.<br /><div><br /></div><div>There was a time, amazingly not that long ago, when I cried on a daily basis. After I had shut the doors of my business and decided to stay at home full time (with a second child on the way, and the economy not doing my business any favors) I really got to spend a lot of 'quality' time with Handsome. No more Kinder.care program. Just him, and me. Mister was gone at least 13 hours a day thanks to his awful commute and demanding job at a start-up company. I was all alone with a toddler, who, frankly, was out of control. And, me, myself, my hormones--also out of control (during 3rd trimester of pregnancy and, for a while post-pardum). <div><br /></div><div>It was bleak. </div><div><br /></div><div>This time, that was supposed to be so wonderful: the last month of my pregnancy, the anticipation of the birth, and then the newborn phase--bringing our baby home, Handsome becoming a big brother....</div><div><br /></div><div>But it was not that way at all.<br /><div><br /></div><div>Things only got worse after Grace was born. I know some sibling jealousy is to be expected. I know extra acting-out is normal. What transpired was beyond anything I considered 'normal'.<br /><div><br /></div><div>At one point, his rages were so severe, we (I) was so unable to control him--I really feared for his sister's safety. We had to put a latch on the outside of his sister's door, so that we could lock it from the outside to prevent him from getting in there when she was sleeping. Or from just getting in there and messing up her stuff. But mostly I was afraid of him doing something to hurt her. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>It also was a fact that when he misbehaved, we were unable to put him in 'normal' time outs. During his rages, holding him was not an option. Not if you didn't want a broken nose. I have had a tooth cracked and I've got the veneer to prove it. He would not stay in his room or in any given spot for a time out. There was no way to help him gain control, or learn the lesson of bad behavior=consequence. He would just scream, throw, hit, flail, launch his body at you with amazing force. We got to the point where we had to take everything--every toy, every book, everything out of his room, until all that was left was his bed, his blankets and his stuffed animals. That way he was left with nothing he could throw, or anything he could hurt anyone (or himself,...or the house) with. We put a lock on his door, too. It was the only way. Please don't write me hateful letters. We were beside ourselves. We didn't know what else to do. At least this way he had somewhere to go where he was safe, and I was safe, Grace was safe, and he could cool down (eventually). There was one evening, when my husband and I held each other, me sobbing, and sat frozen in horror and disbelief as he raged away in his room. What was happening to our little boy, our baby? Were we the worst parents in the world? Was there something really terribly wrong; would we have to hospitalize him? Institutionalize him? What could be done? Surely a family could not survive this. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>Finally, a friend of mine, who had seen these things first hand, who had known Handsome since I brought him home, a friend who knew me, and loved me, gave me the encouragement I clearly needed--to call my insurance and find a psychologist, NOW who could evaluate him. She even offered to come and watch him and the baby just so I could sit on the phone and make the necessary calls and endure whatever hoops they made me jump through until I got an answer and a name. Which I did. Against everyone else's advice (he's too young to be evaluated. It will pass. It's just a phase. He's just 'all boy'. He's 'spirited'.) I made the appointment, and I started the long process of righting this ship that was clearly capsizing. </div></div></div>Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-56311297890009456012011-12-09T17:35:00.000-08:002011-12-09T18:27:55.579-08:00Introducing the Rug Rats--The Boy, pt. 1<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>THE BOY CHILD (part one)<div><br /><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit77iwcUgTxuhJolWmgeWZnCfAG2zi2hIs6_O2PbjAr3HTr7f_HrE-uRt0mUC3JMuMLI8G8yNNZMyCDHrFx0RnO2kWAYxD3ll45Bhd_MOYiEkgafmZROMY-R3r299J_CgXK0xTjNcDA6Kg/s400/IMG_0852.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5684308099839815570" /><div><br /></div><div>First, is our son, known on my old blog as "Handsome Man". Well, I think the name is pretty apt. He is one handsome guy. Of course, I have nothing to do with how handsome he is, from a genetic standpoint. He became 'ours' through domestic, open adoption in 2007. His beautiful Birth-mother E., and his handsome Birth-father, M., get all the credit on his good looks. We have a very open relationship with E., and her mom and dad, too. We've had several visits. Unfortunately, thus far we haven't really had much contact with M. He is just not in a place in his life where my husband and I really feel comfortable with Handsome Man having contact. But, time will tell. I guess I am kind of waiting to see if M. reaches out (he has our contact info and he is also still in contact with E.) but eventually we will have to make a move and see if we can establish some more contact. But so far, the relationship with E. and her family has been really comfortable, I only wish we got to see them more often (they live in a different state). </div><div><br /></div><div>This is a picture of him after his new haircut, this past summer, before he started his first day of school. I love how impish he looks. I was so excited that he was starting school! (Probably more excited than he was!) It had been a long journey to get to this point (and I don't just mean the journey from California to Las Vegas.) When he was 3 (he's 4 now) I had enrolled him in preschool back in California. Let's just say it didn't work out too well. During this time I was also pursuing an evaluation or a diagnosis. I just knew something was 'off'. And considering he had been 'asked to leave' his first daycare at the age of 2, and then at the age of 3 I was getting called in to talk to the teacher after school, like, EVERY day, well...yeah, I figured something was going on. Not to mention I was pretty much brought to tears on a daily basis because I just didn't know how to parent him. We had so many conflicts. I was really scared that either something was really 'wrong' with Handsome, or, something was really 'wrong' with me, and I was just not made to be a mother. I was doubting myself so much and I was so confused and saddened. By October 2010 we had seen a child psychologist who did an evaluation over several visits and concluded that he had ("severe") <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002518/">ADHD</a> along with <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002504/">ODD</a>. The diagnosis was hard, confusing and scary (because I knew nothing about ADHD/ODD or what to do next) but it was also a relief because now I had a real professional tell me I was not crazy, and that raising Handsome was going to take more than your average color-by-numbers parenting. </div><div><br /></div></div>Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-919340664603335026.post-753968086226570902011-12-03T13:24:00.000-08:002011-12-05T17:47:32.469-08:00Welcome!Ah, the obligatory First Post. Thanks to any of my readers who have followed me over from my old blog. I felt like now was the time for a new, fresh start. So many things have changed recently: career changes (staying at home for me) a move to a new state for a new job (for hubby). New surrounding, new house, new friends (still working on this one) new everything. And, since we (most likely) are leaving our family-building days behind, and are just working hard at making the family we have work, (i.e. trying to not mess up my kids too badly, and also to keep my sanity on a daily basis) it seems like it's time for a fresh start for the blog, too. <div><br /></div><div>On this blog I'll probably talk about parenting (the good, the bad, the crazy), the struggles of raising a child with AD/HD, my adventures in creating a new life in a new state, and whatever miscellaneous thing I feel like talking about. Sounds pretty boring, huh? And, although this is not an infertility blog, per se, I expect the topics of Infertility and Adoption to creep in here, because both have forever changed my life, my mindset and my priorities. Through our struggles to create a family, I have learned many things. I have learned to be more compassionate toward others, and to have more patience with people--you never know what someone, some stranger, might be going through. You just never know. So, I give people the benefit of the doubt a lot more readily. I have become more sure of myself, and learned how to be my own advocate. Everyone might have thought I was crazy, but I couldn't let it go: I had to keep searching for the answer to my infertility. I finally found a doctor who listened to me and didn't just write me off. Leaving no stone unturned, I stumbled over the answers I sought, and I became pregnant in 2009 with my daughter. Then, I had to learn how to fight the System to get help for my son. I'm not the doormat I used to be. I am very open in my real life about Infertility and Adoption and raising a child with Special Needs--and I will talk anyone's ear off about any of it. I'm probably no fun at parties. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, thanks for stopping by--I hope you'll stick around. What's your story?</div>Frenchiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.com0